There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
