He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
