is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
