then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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