If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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