so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize