Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
