got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
