pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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