I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
