Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize