it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
