On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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