It's just like the Real World with babies
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Randomize
