What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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