im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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