Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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