I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
