i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
