I looked at my own cervix.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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