UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
