A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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