I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
