It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
