there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
