If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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