My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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