I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
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