you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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