i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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