Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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