dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
