I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
