you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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