My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
