between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
