Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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