she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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