Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
