You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
His hands were made for my vagina.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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