My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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