i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
