he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
