i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
