stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
