Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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