I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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