It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
