i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
