why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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