A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
