i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
