Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
