i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize