Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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