Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
