And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Randomize
