There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
try to milk me bitch
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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