the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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