I look better un-naked...
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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