So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
