wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
