fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
