I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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