I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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