I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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