How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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