I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
