That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
