Your face is a jimmy john
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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