Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
