Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize