i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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