i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Just high enough for therapy.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
