I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
