everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Randomize
