Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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