so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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