I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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