I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
