the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize