thus making me awesome and them whores
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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