Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
