Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Only a mothe r could love this liver
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Randomize
