Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I am naked and annoyed.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize