According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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