Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
