I'm going to rape someone's good day.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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