the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Come on in and take your pants off
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