New invention idea: vibrating tampons
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
