you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Boobs speak an international language.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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