We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize