i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
