Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
