So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
