its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize