Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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