I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
