I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
