Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
