Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
tell your sister to shave her snatch
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
