I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
