Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
