No awkward lesbian experiences without me
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
