She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
