I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
