as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I think a kid would responsible me up
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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