apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
