I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
