i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
