i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
