It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
