And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Let's get the cat blown out
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
